I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
