No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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