How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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