On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize