Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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