You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize