just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
