Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
