We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
