and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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