I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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