Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
