My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
