did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
