Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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