I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
why is half of my head shaved?
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