i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
