My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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