Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
