I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize