I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
