Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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