you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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