apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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