my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
