I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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