Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
