I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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