So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
