all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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