Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
