I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
