I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
