She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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