3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
