ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
