I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
