Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
