NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
