Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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