It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize