White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
