but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
