This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Blood and glitter go together right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize