remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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