...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
