I wish I could teleport
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
