He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
