It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
