My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
