wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
