butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
