before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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