I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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