I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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