god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
