I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
