How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
