He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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