He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
