You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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