So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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