Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
