Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
