please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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