I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
