You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize