in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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